Shut up and be uncomfortable

Robert Caro, one of the great biographers, said "Silence is the weapon. Silence and people's need to fill it - as long as the person isn't you."

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Re-read the last clause. You must not fill the silence.

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I coach sellers to talk less and listen more. Everyone agrees. They nod. They mean it. Then I listen to their calls and they're jumping in to fill every gap almost instantly.

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The problem isn’t knowing what to do. It's working out how to implement it and perfect it. And it's hard. Really hard.

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Three reasons to pause

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1️⃣ They talk more. Leave the space and people fill it, and what they add is almost always better than what they'd prepared. Reread Caro's quote at the top 👆

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2️⃣ They feel listened to. If you jump in the second somebody stops, you show you weren't listening, you were just searching for a gap.

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3️⃣ You get to think. In the pause, you can think. You will respond deliberately rather than react - or better, ask another question instead.

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Ryan Holiday, who pointed me to Caro, puts it very well:

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"Caro understood that a few seconds of silence can do what a dozen follow-up questions cannot. It gives the other person room to think, to search, to keep going. And it gives us the space to actually listen, not just to what is being said, but to what is being avoided, softened, or left unsaid."

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When this works, I've seen huge success. The following are almost verbatim quotes.

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• "It seems that you don't provide function X." Pause, and the prospect adds "I guess it's not that critical, but would be nice in situation Y".
  

• "That's more than we were expecting to pay." Pause, and the prospect adds "I can probably get a bit of extra budget if we can get this started in the next couple of weeks."

Most sellers miss that critical extra information because they have jumped in to respond.

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Why we don't pause

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The discomfort is the biggest reason. You assume the room is waiting for you, that the gap is yours to fill, that not speaking looks like not knowing.

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One reason it's uncomfortable is the need to please. Somebody asks a question and we want to be helpful by giving them an answer. Very natural. We like to do what's expected. And if the customer asked us a question where we can give a positive response, we're very excited to give them that response right away.

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The same thing happens with statements. A client says something you could expand on, clarify or correct, and the urge is to jump in and show what you know.

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In both cases, you need to wait, consider what they really meant, and probably ask for a bit more information.

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Literally count the seconds

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Three seconds on an audio-only call. A minimum of five on video, and ten is possible. Face to face, up to ten.

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Count them physically, on your fingers, because you won't judge it accurately in the moment. Three seconds will feel like twenty the first few times.

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Take a deep breath and just wait.

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In that gap, the prospect knows you're listening, knows you're thinking, and might well share more information.

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When you're presenting

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The same discipline is critical, whether it's a formal presentation, a walkthrough of your platform or the answer to a complex question. One idea. Speak for under a minute. Then stop. Let them process what you've been saying.

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When you're presenting, it's information which is obvious to you. This is probably the first time they've heard it. Therefore, you need to give them time to absorb it. If you wait for 10 seconds at the end of a slide, you will start getting questions far more reliably than if you ask "any questions?"

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Silence is simple, but it’s one of the hardest things I coach. Don’t fill it. You need to get comfortable with discomfort and suppress the instinct to be immediately helpful.

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If you want to know whether your team does this, listen back to three of their calls and count the gaps. I'm happy to do that with you and tell you what I hear.